21st+Century+cultural+Diversity

__ ﻿﻿ ﻿ 21st Century Cultural Diversity __ ﻿ As all students learn differently and come from a variety of diverse families and cultures, it is important to include intercultural learning activities within the classroom. Intercultural learning is the knowledge of different cultures, their differences and similarities. Intercultural activities are supposed to keep the affective domain of learning in mind, while keeping the students motivated and allowing them to relate to the topic in some way. Please come to class on Monday, April 11th prepared to share an activity, website, or resource that you are currently using, or that could be used, to respect and/or celebrate diverse cultures in your classroom (at your age-level or content area). Also, don't forget your cultural food item for Jen and Cheryl's presentation. :)
 * Task 1: ** __ Interactive/ Sharing Activity: __

Jennifer = Aqua Christa= Orange Cheri Vanessa Mark Amy Carrie **Synopsis:** ** //Lives Across Cultures// by Gardiner and Kosmitzki: ** Chapter 8- Culture and Social Behavior and Chapter 9- The Family in Cultural Context
 * Tasks 2-7: **__ ﻿﻿ __ Please read each synopsis of the assigned text and complete the related tasks (during the week of 4/4)

Chapter 8 and 9, in Lives Across Cultures by Gardiner and Kosmitzki, explain that the main influences on the development of one’s social behaviors are culture and family/ community life. The types of relationships and behaviors that children develop with their families, or primary caregivers, early in life, set the basis for future social relationships.

Starting at infancy and continuing through childhood, children learn to communicate and form social relationships, initially and then maintained, through play. Behavioral skills such as conflict resolution, cooperation, reasoning, and other moral principles are then learned and understood through these interactions. Along with learning these social behaviors, children and young adults also face the challenge of managing their aggressive social behavior.

As the child enters adolescence, social development is not only influenced by families, but also by the increased influence of peers. This influence may cause increased prosocial, or also antisocial, skills.

Social behaviors in middle adulthood are dominated by concerns of productivity, depending on learned values and expectations. Social functions of games and play, active and passive participation in activities such as sports, also beginning in childhood, continue to develop throughout middle and later adulthood.

Lastly, social support and satisfying social relationships cause well-being and peace of mind in older adulthood. All of these behaviors may vary due to differing cultural beliefs, practices, or trends.

Cultural influences and family life (experiences) play a large role in the product of one’s social behaviors, therefore impacting the social interactions and outcomes throughout life. The different ways in which children learn socialization, are dependent on the ways in which their community structures families, the defined roles that community members can assume, and the culture's concepts of childhood.

**Task 2:** Malorie Blackman is an award-winning author, writing literature for children and young adults. Her work includes novels, short stories, and picture books. Television series and plays have also been written, based on her work. Within her writing, Blackman explores social and ethical issues, based on specific cultures and history. Blackman's work has been used in many classrooms for the purpose of intercultural learning as it promotes tolerance, empathy, and the importance of understanding cultural variations.

Part 1: Watch the following YouTube videos on Malorie Blackman and one of her works.

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Part 2: Discuss a student or person you know, whose social behaviors have clearly been influenced by family or cultural variations. Jennifer

This year I have two new students who came after the first quarter, they are brothers, one in kindergarten and one in third grade. From day one they displayed inappropriate social behavior. They are in your face, loud, super active, tend to push, poke, hit, kick and generally cause some type of social problem on an hourly basis. Mom is in jail, and Dad(s) are not around. I believe they live with a grandparent. At the beginning of the year they were allowed to walk back and forth to school, but after several community, teacher, and police complaints their grandma now has to drive them to and from school. The majority of complaints were because the older brother would beat up the younger brother while walking to or from school. They would also climb on electrical boxes, balance walk on the curb with traffic, carry sticks whacking things, point pretend guns at cars and so on. We as teachers are doing the best we can with the boys, but it is especially difficult when the mom will not consent to any guidance counseling for the boys. We still do what we can without getting into legal trouble. You can see how angry the boys are and how much they need love. Every once and awhile they will just sneak up and hug you. Of course two minutes later you need to deal with an incident involving one of the boys. With help these boys could change, they have shown good qualities and are quick learners, but their environment has to completely change. You can tell that their social issues have come from things they have seen or been exposed to from their family. I can clearly see where these boys will end up if they are not allowed to get the help they need. Jennifer, it is so sad to hear of situations such as this, and unfortunately this is a common occurence in today's world! It is very sad that these boys' negative experiences within their living environment will impact their development and probably the rest of their lives. One of their only saving graces will be the people like you, in their lives, that care about them and will put in the time and effort needed to try and change these boys' futures (while their fighting you the whole way). Tell that to those people who don't think a teacher's job is hard!

Family is so very important to one’s social skills, we talk a lot about family and family structure (or lack of) in my Parenting classes. Divorce, stepfamilies, jail, alcohol and drug use all have a HUGH impact on children. At the high school level students can talk about and identify these potentially negative family environments but younger children are not able to identify their behavior as socially unacceptable, after all it’s how my family acts at home. Dysfunctional families do not provide the nurturing environment in which acceptable social skills are taught. As I tell my student, just because you are from a divorced or abusive family does not mean you will be like that but you might have to make a **conscious** decision to change your behavior.

My cousin is a 20 year old female who was adopted from Russia when she was four years old. Although I do not know the specific conditions of the orphanage that that she was in, I do know that the conditions in the Russian orphanages were very poor at the time. Throughout her life, she strongly struggled with social situations and with forming relationships, even with her own parents. I have since learned that this is not entirely uncommon in children who began their lives in the conditions that she was in. She has a very volatile relationship with those close to her, and struggles maintaining healthy relationships with her peers. She misses a lot of school, and will sometimes isolates herself from those who care about her. Other days, she is outgoing and pleasant and eager to participate in activities with her family and friends. Her family and friends love her very much, unfortunately at a young age she did not get all that she needed, and she continues to struggle building relationships.

One of my students from the last couple years I have learned has had quite a bit on her plate. Her grades were a bit on the low side and after talking with her she flat out told me it was because she didn't think her classes were that important. She sometimes would complain to me about other students and vent about kids not having a clue. Of course many times I want to agree the reality was because she was dealing with things most of the other kids do not have to deal with. She could not tell me about hanging out with friends on the weekend because very often she would be telling me her job was to take her mom to the bars and be her designated driver while her mom and boyfriend drank. (Our school social worker is well aware of her situation) She's had trouble identifying with other students because she is often looking out for her mother and taking care of her younger brother. In fact I've gotten the impression that she is trying to identify with me more than with other students because of her responsibilities. As a young teacher she assumes I go out to the bars and so she tries to engage me in that type of conversation. I have always kept my professional role and I do a lot more listening than talking and when I do talk it is about finding other forms of entertainment than late night karaoke. I see this behavior coming from the socialization she has experienced by taking that adult role in her house, she tried to associate more with adults than fellow students.

I had a student a while back from an Asian family. He was the youngest child with four older sisters. The daughters were all very quiet, smart, responsible and a pleasure to teach. Apparently this family was so happy to have their long-awaited boy, that he was spoiled beyond rotten. He was lazy, irresponsible, sinking below grade level in most areas, and had serious attitude. Apparently he walked on water and did not have the same expectations as his sisters did. It was really difficult for me to conference with the parents. I laid my cards out on the table. Mom said nothing and dad nodded a few times and said thank you before leaving. Nothing changed. It was so frustrating and unfair. It was their cultural belief that he was better than his sisters.

I have a student this year whom I've written about before. He is a struggling reader in my kindergarten class, but he has worked really hard and really aims to please adults although he can have temper tantrums like my 3 year old. His dad works at McDonalds and his mom lost her job right before Christmas. I am hoping she has a new job, but as of now, I'm not sure. They live in a two bedroom apartment where he shares a bedroom with his twin sister and 2nd grade brother. I think part of his temper tantrums and acting out is because at home it may be the only way he gets attention. It's sad. At the same time, his parents are very hard workers and I can see that work ethic in him too. It is very evident that he is a product of his home environment. He is starving for attention where he must fight for it while also working hard so that he can get the recognition and praise he so desires.

**Synopsis:** //Educational Foundations// by Alan S. Canestrari & Bruce A. Marlowe (Chapter 5) (What Should Teachers Do? Ebonics and Culturally Responsive Instruction)

Chapter 5 discussed the “Ebonics Debate,” which talks about teachers trying to find out what implications this African-American dialect plays in education.

In this chapter, the question is asked, “So what must teachers do? Should they spend their time relentlessly “correcting” their Ebonics-speaking children’s language so that it might conform to what we have learned to refer to as Standard English?”

This chapter continued to discuss teacher’s concerns about how speaking Ebonics might affect children learning how to read. They stated that there is little evidence to show that speaking another dialect of the English language would negatively affect one’s ability to learn to read.

Studies showed that, “constant correction seldom has the desired effect.” In fact, they conducted a few different studies which shared some of the implications that there may be on children who speak Ebonics and teachers who try and correct them. ~students’ attitudes toward their teachers may change ~students may choose to be more silent and not share as often  ~continual correction will inhibit their actual comprehension of the story than if they were reading on their own

Recognize that your students’ linguistic form is part of their personal identity. Understand that they may not have access to learn the “politically popular dialect form” at home from their families or in their community.

**TASK 3:** Have you ever had a student/family that had a different home language (Ebonics, Spanish, etc.) than yours? How and/or did this affect their role in the classroom? Did the expectations for this child change? Did you ever correct the student’s language (and what were the positive/negative implications of the correction)?

Jennifer Yes. I have several students with special needs, English second language learners and regular education students who are in speech therapy. I do correct my students, but only because I have been told how to correct them. To make speech progress the students need to have everyone involved, not just the speech pathologists. I have not seen any ill effects from the corrections. You need to know the child and if you have a very sensitive child who might shut down, they you approach the corrections differently.

I have had a couple ESL students. In class I did not correct them usually due to the fact they were very quite and did not participate much (probably due to the fact they were self conscious about their language skills) and I also did not call on them frequently due to this same reason. My expectations were different, I knew she was having a hard time, so I would alter assignments and instead of writing sometimes we would have an oral discussion on the same topic.

Yes, I taught at Milwaukee School of Languages right after I graduated college, and many of my students had different languages or dialects that they spoke at home, anywhere from Mandarin, to Spanish, to Ebonics... I personally did not correct their language. I believe it is a part of their identity, and correcting it would imply that is is wrong. Who's to say what's right? I have learned that there are very specific rules to Ebonics, and the language is actually very complex and someone who doesn't speak it would have to learn all the rules. I do worry that when these children are graduated from school and looking for a job, at least in today's society, their dialect can make them appear less smart or less professional by some, but I wish instead that it could be embraced and appreciated for it's part of who they are and where they come from. We wouldn't correct someone with an English accent, so why should we "correct" someone with an African American accent?

The other weekend at the anti-bullying conference this was actually one of the discussions in one of my sessions. A teacher was asking about this very thing and said if he worried about correcting their speaking all the time they wouldn't get much accomplished and he didn't want to degrade the student's culture (asking strictly about ebonics). The concensus in the room was that maybe having certain activities or situations in which the students know ahead of time that they should be practicing "proper english" but for the majority of the day allow students to exress themselves through their own voice and cultural dialect. As a teacher I actually laughed at myself on a related issue when I was down in Arkansas. When I was in High School taking speech class we were always told not to say things like "y'all" because we didn't want to sound like we were "uneducated" or from the south. This flashed through my mind as I was teaching speech in Arkansas and the first student speech I heard was filled with those words we were discouraged from using. While in Wisconsin I had points taken off a speech for using those words, in Arkansas it was perfectly acceptable. In any case I think it is important to allow students to have that self identity. If it is something like ebonics or a cultural cross over from a spanish speaking family I like to take the opportunity to have them teach phrases or words to the rest of the students and to me. With ESL students it really helped them feel more comfortable with me and then on every test I would have an extra credit question such as "How do you say "frog" in Russian?" It helped break the ice between studets and we were able to learn about each other. (by the way, frog in Russian is jaba, of course with letters from the cyrillic alphabet).

I have two comments for this. Most of the students that I have had with speech problems I do correct. However, I do not have them repeat themselves in front of other kids. If they say, "Her came to my house." I respond, "__//She//__ came to your house? That must have been fun!" My other comment is about a boy who came to second grade mid-year directly from Columbia speaking no English. I was dumb enough to mention to someone that I had taken Spanish in high school, so he was put in my room. It was an extraordinary year. The whole class learned Spanish. I remembered things I never thought I would out of necessity. He spoke english the best he could and we all corrected him, becasue he knew we were trying to help. He laughed at my spanish, which was probably grammatically incorrect most of the time. He often corrected me. He was an extremely bright boy which also helped his transition immensely. He caught up to his peers by the end of the school year. He is a student I will never forget. Unfortunately, since I no longer have the need, most of my Spanish I did forget.

I've had ELL students in my class before and this year I have two. One of the moms speaks very little english so communication is challenging. I usually try to speak to her as I normally would any parent. Our ELL teacher is extraordinarily helpful. She has translated field trip forms, written notes regarding changes in our daily schedule and attended parent teacher conferences to help translate. Both students were somewhat behind in reading, but they were not as concerning as other children. Having them in my class has helped to make me more aware of their backgrounds and including more diversity in my routines whether it be with a song, a book or activity.

What Keeps Teachers Going? From Chapter One Nieto said that in the 1950s and 1960s “teaching practices were more in keeping with new approaches that focused on student engagement…in spite of all these things, many children still were not learning.” Do you think that is still true today? What do you think is the main focus put on teaching today? How can we as teachers change our approaches to teaching to have a greater impact on our students lives and learning?
 * Task 4: **

Jennifer Yes, I do think a lot of kids are not learning. New approaches only work for so long and then they become boring to. The main focus is on integrating technology into the classroom and re-teaching kids how to think for themselves. I think kids need to understand why they are learning different subjects and areas of those subjects (Relevance) They also need to be interested in their subject matter as much as possible. I see a big problem when kids go from "Learning is fun" k-5th to "Learning is boring" 6th-9th to "Learning is difficult and stressful" 10th-12th to "learning is about getting a good job". Kids today only want to do school work if it's fun and when it becomes not fun they don't want to do it to their potential. I would like us to have students understand that learning is about sparking interest and being able to relate what we learn to life and other school subjects. Teachers need to spark interest not worry about what will be fun and entertaining to the kids. Sparking interest in learning is difficult today because our world is so big and it's hard for kids to see connections. Most of my work spent in the art room is trying to get kids to think, it sounds crazy but they just don't.

I would argue once a student's interest is sparked, it becomes interesting which is just as good as fun for a high schooler. So you can get two birds with one stone.

For me the missing element at times when I throw in the extra engagement is reflection. When you have a "fun" or "engaging" lesson you can't assume the students are learning from it. Yes they may be smiling for once in history class and they are interacting, but I have heard students walk away and say "that was fun, I don't know why we did it but it was fun!" So the reflection piece has become very important. Maybe a handful of kids "get it" but if you take the time for reflection and to talk about the lesson and their thinking (metacognition) the light bulbs will start to go on. Then a student will make the connection between the activity and what you were trying to learn and because they hear it from another student "bing" they take special note of it. Over all does the engagement work? Of course! I've had students walk in my room who I had last year and they'll see something on the board and say "oh, you're learning about Imperialism. Did you get a piece of Africa yet?" (we had an analogy where I cut up an orange to represent Africa and kids representing European countries got to eat it/colonize). Or they'll see my room set up for a certain activity and they can tell me exactly what my lesson is for the day. These are special days that have special engagement that I have paired up with reflection and if that did not work. I don't think I would be having these conversations with former students.

As our world is changing so must our teaching practices. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal talks about the Khan Academy. Using 15 minute short lessons on YouTube, a student can learn at home or anywhere at their own pace. Khan stated that classroom teachers are using his videos; students watch the video at home and than class time is used for “homework” and individualized instruction. This would certainly eliminate the “one size fits all instruction.” I have included a short YouTube video on the Khan Academy. khan academy This YouTube video was very interesting. I had never heard of the Khan academy. I was going to say that the current teaching practices focus on differentiation. The Khan Academy surely provides that. I see it as a useful tool in the classroom. It is extreme to think that this is where we are headed though. Students all immersed in their own curriculum at their own laptop and teacher as a coach and facilitator. What about the face-to-face interaction and stimulating conversations that can occur in a classroom among peers? Say nothing for the simple pleasure of a picture book read aloud as a introduction to a new topic. Very interesting.

﻿I think many children are not learning, but most do learn a lot. I think that children may not learn as much as they could possibly because of all the demands put on teachers. It is hard to teach well when you are spread so thin and required to teach so much that is nearly impossible to fit into the course of a day let alone a week, month or school year. And then there is also the argument of whether what we teach is developmentally appropriate or not. We wonder whether our students really struggle with reading or writing or math in our kindergarten classes or is it that what we are teaching is not developmentally appropriate. It is extremely challenging to make sure that children learn all of the content that we need to teach and well.

There are a lot of strategies that we as teachers learn are good and should be incorporated into are classrooms. At our school, all of the teachers are required to participate in CRISS training, which focus on strategies for student-owned engaging strategies for teaching and learning. I think there are great strategies to learn here, but in order to truly be a good teacher, the piece that many teachers are unfortunately missing, is reflective teaching. After trying a new strategy or lesson, we need to reflect on if, how, and why it worked. Will we use it again? What could we do differently to improve it next time. What TYPE of information or goals is this strategy good for? Were the students more engaged? Did they learn better? Without reflecting, we are not really improving our lessons.

Educational Foundations From Chapter Six Task 5: In today’s world that is full of racism and discrimination how do you prevent the negative, destructive effects from harming the children that you teach? What suggestions would you give to a new teacher in his or her first year of teaching who has a diverse group of learners? I suggest reading chapter seven, it contained good information that we as educators will all benefit from. It talked about assumptions that we make, we all make assumptions! Be aware of your bias and reflect on your teaching practices and attitudes about your students. Is it **your** attitude/bias that is the bases for your opinion or the child behavior? Jennifer I would do projects related to real life situations. For instance a project relating to Japan would be appropriate. Right now the kids see destruction and negative media attention due to the nuclear plant disaster and radiation. A project that shows Japan in a positive modern light would be beneficial in changing the current visual images that they may have seen. I think the most important suggestion for a new teacher is to take the time to get to know his / her students right away and their caregivers. Also, creating equity in your room is essential. Teachers need to set the example for their students, and make a conscious effort to help their students respect each other. I think it is good to ask a student if they have any cultural traditions that they participate in, so that they can see how cool their uniqueness is and appreciate each others differences as positive things.

My first reaction is always a quick and serious one so they know their behavior is not acceptable. Especially if the issue is racism. If it is discrimination I will still get on their case but a slightly different tone. Often I may hear comments discriminating against immigrants. The most common thing I do is reflect with my class obout our countries history. If we go back 70 years who were the immigrants were were discriminating against? Asians and Japanese (WWII internment camps). If we go back 100 years who did we discriminate against? Italians and E. Europeans. If we go back 120 years who did we complain about stealing all our jobs? The Irish. By doing this I generally hit every ethnic background of all of my students so they know at some point their families all faced the same struggle. I mention on how US citizens always complained about these "drunken and crazed Irish" would ruin our country. Then I ask If they think our country has improved since the 1800's or if we've gotten better. In fact it seems with more and more immigration we continue to get better so we should slow down before we criticize and discriminate. History can be on our side sometimes.

I would tell a new teacher that the more you talk about cultural differences the more natural it becomes a part of your classroom. At a young age students should be introduced to cultural differences and discriminatin. My first graders know what fairness is. We talk about discrimination, segregation, slavery, etc. during Black history month. This is an introduction, but the foundation needs to be layed. Each time they learn about it, they will discover more layers and make more connections. When things come up in current events, teachers should do their best to answer questions honestly. I believe that if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough to get an answer.

Amy, I wish I could say that I included more diversity like you. If I could tell a new teacher anything, it would be to somehow try to make it a priority to include activities that celebrate cultural diversity. Stephanie:I tried something new in math last week and the kids loved it! I have three students who are adopted, one from India the other two are not sure where from but I also have a student whose family is from china, another whose family is from Croatia, and another from Norway. The kids often talk about their cultures and I wanted to give them the opportunity to share so I sent home a letter asking them to bring in any foreign currency they have. Out of the 23 students in my class every single one of them brought money in to share. Many shared about their culture and others to tell about where they have gone or where their parents have been. It was such a great experience and so easy to incorporate with our math lesson.

Gardiner, in __Lives across Cultures__, looks at the whole concept of Self, or Personhood, in chapter 6. He explains that Asian and North American cultures view this very differently. Asian cultures, generally, hold a Collectivist view of self, while North Americans generally hold an Individualist view of self: our Self ends outside our skin, while in Asian cultures, the concept of Self includes the immediate family members and the relationships that exist between them. In Jen’s pizza illustration of Bronfenbrenner, “self”would include the pepperoni and all the sausages as well, and maybe some of the cheese connecting them together.

** Task 6 :** What is one way that we probably teach our view of self to our children at a very young age, perhaps without realizing it?

We teach it through our nuclear family structure, our culture and how we socialize our children. This point has really struck home with me this last month with the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Despite the horrific disaster, the Japanese people are not rioting and looting to get the necessary water and food for themselves like in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. As calmly as they can, having been raised/socialized with a collectiveness view their thinking extend beyond themselves to the benefit of their extended families and even other Japanese.

Jennifer Not sure how to answer this one. I think this is where my situation is different. I only see my students once a week, but I see them for five years, so I think what they get from me is consistency, organization, and fairness. Consistency, because they see me year after year and know how I teach and my expectations. Organization, because they know where things go and how clean tools and the room needs to be for the next class coming. Fairness, because I treat students the same from class to class and year to year.

Through our values, the way we treat each other and take care of each other through empathy....Through recognition of their accomplishments... This is a hard one for me because I teach high schoolers and don't have any kids!!

In our society the individual is so important. I think that is very much a North America/USA thing (I can't speak for Canada or Mexico). At times I even try to challenge this concept and try and get students to think of the good of our society (especialy with the idea of volunteering). Some are able to pick up on this and talk about experiences helping out other people through service, etc. While I've had other students turn around and say "it has nothing to do with me, so I don't care about them." One student I really struggled with and I wish I could think of the topic we were talking about. It seemed impossible for him to feel empathy for anyone. For him it came down to the fact that he could not "walk in someone else's shoes" and so no matter how hard I tried about thinking about historical periods, being discriminated against etc. his answer was always the same "that's impossible because it's not me."

I think Americans tend to praise those who think of others outside of themselves and their own immediate family. I think that in Asian cultures it is expected. When it comes right down to it, as a culture we are viewed as more self-serving and individualistic. We are proud of our individuality. That is not as important in Asian cultures.

I think﻿ that one way I teach our view of self is a reaction to experiences I've had in my lifetime. I want to create a classroom that I would have liked to be in when I was a child. A classroom like my favorite teacher created. I know what my priorities are and you can see that throughout my classroom and how I treat my students.

** Task 7 ** **:** Please comment on this: I have two students raised in an orphanage until adoption at 3rd and 4th grade. Gardiner states that in Asia, “the immediate family provides a place for the person and a framework for his sense of personhood.” Since my students were not raised in a family, might they have poor self-images? What can I as a teacher and we as a school do, to help? A child **learns** self-esteem, you cannot give someone high self-esteem. According to research on self-esteem, some ways families, teachers, and schools can foster high self esteem is to take the needs and wants of the child into consideration (listen to them), have clearly defined rules, reward them for good behavior, model high self-esteem, and let them know their opinion is valued and respected. Here is a great quote by Thomas Carlyle: “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishments” Jennifer I believe their Self-concept would have formed from the way they were raised in the orphanage (niche). Self-Concept is influenced by your developmental niche and according to the book, Self-concept is the perception of oneself as a person with desires, preferences, attributes and abilities. Your self-esteem (perceived self-worth) is a result of your self-concept and as Cheryl said you cannot give someone self-esteem. As a teacher you could create a positive and safe learning niche in your classroom. Within that niche you may be able to positively affect that child's self-concept which in turn could foster self-esteem. I have seen first hand that when a child increases his /her artistic skills their self-concept improves. So I would suggest really working with the child to improve just one skill, because if they can improve their self-concept they may increase their self-esteem. Ok I shared my story about my cousin up above, and I really don't know what to do to help. I try to be supportive, but have struggled with really helping her. I try to be positive, when my cousin travels to Russia, I ask her a lot about it and am genuinely interested in what she has to share about the culture. She teachers me some words, ( I have a hard time remembering them though). Times like this are good, but other times, she will literally lock herself in her room, and at that point, I don't know that there is anything I can do, and so I just wait till she wants to "hang out." What I am doing is probably not best, and may not help much, but I don't know what else to do.

Dang, I don't know what to say either. it sounds like with the first case, Jennifer you got it. Good advice. Vanessa I think things may be a lot more comlex for your cousin. Thinking about life in an orphanage can be a reason for her behavior. Brenda (my wife) has a student who was diagnosed with an "attachment disorder" because he spent the first few years of his life in an orphanage in Romania. He was never picked up, hugged, etc. so he really struggles with a lot of social situations and definately with building close relationships with people. Now thinking about your cousin who is 20 years old, that means she was born in Russia when the economy of the soviet Union had collapsed and the transition to the Republic of Russia was very slow. With this in mind I would imagine the orphanages did not get the proper funding that they needed which makes me very curious about those 4 years before she was adopted. I would think all you can do today is exactly what you are doing and constantly displaying patience so that she knows she can always come back and it will be okay. Still at the age of 20 I think modelling good social skills is important. Are you able to talk with her afterwards about her behavior or other ways to deal with things? Or would this end badly?

Vanessa, I applaud you and your family for supporting your cousin even when things are difficult. I can only imagine the number of families that have had to deal with this disorder or children who show even some signs of it. It is the kind of thing that can rip families apart or bond them together.

Stephanie:I think we all need to be supportive when we know there are situations like this. Last year we has a second grader with a sister in kintergarden. They were biological sisters and both adopted by the same family from foster care but they could not be in the same room together alone. The older one kept trying to hurt the younger one. We ended up having to change our lunch and recess schedules in order to keep them apart. They could not ride the bus together and the parents were worried sick at home because they caught the older sister with a knife in her room and she said she was going to kill her sister. We were told that she was suffering from seperation anxiety as well as many other issues. Maybe self-identity was one of her issues, I don't know. I think we can only do what we think is best for them and know that we are trying!

I think in some ways children who live in an orphanage or in foster care may have a hard time with self-identity because in many scenarios family helps to create your sense of self. That being said, I think everyone struggles with self-identity at one point or another in their lifetime even if they have a strong family background and upbringing. I have had many children who come from two parent homes or are raised by grandparents. With any of my other students, I try to create a safe, secure and almost "home" enivornment so that the consistency, love and structure that they may not get at home, they will get in my classroom.