Unequal+Childhoods

Unequal Childhoods Irene Baena and Jen Looser

Cultural Repertoires, pp. 4-7 Have you ever noticed this type of difference among various parents, as to whether you seem to be on the same page about them working with their child at home?

Stephanie: I have seen some differences among the types of parents that I have had over the years. I began teaching in West Milwaukee where most if not all of my students qualified for free/reduced breakfast and lunch programs. For them, their concern was not taking the time at home to work with their children. They were more concerned with providing shelter, food, and putting clothing on their back. I was surprised if the parents provided school supplies, came to school functions, or even came to conferences. Currently, the parents I have are much more concerned with the advancement of their children academically. Most of the parents I have are very involved with helping their child complete homework as well as school functions. I don’t think I have ever had a parent who did not come for parent/teacher conferences.

Jennifer I clearly see the differences even when it comes to the subject of art. If the parent(s) value art their student works a lot harder in my class. You can tell which students are expected to do well and have more pressure put on them from parents to produce a great product or grade. Often these are the kids who are always asking “is this ok”? or “is this good” or “what exactly do you want me to do”. They don’t want to get it wrong or take an “Art Risk” as I call it in my classroom. The students who don’t have this parental pressure to get perfect report cards seem happier with their art and seem to create freely.

Mark- I would have to agree I have seen these differences in parents and students. I would agree with many of the economic connections the authors are trying to make. Middle-class families having more interaction with their kids about school and working or poor families have less. Of course this could have a lot to do with when parents are required to work which impacts the interaction they are able to have. Something else I noticed about how students interacted with teachers and authority figures reminded me of how some of my students in Arkansas interacted with me. Not just the low income students but I also estimated about 20% of my students where in fostercare. Those students seemed to have a lot of similarities in the brief description of kids from poor families. Not looking people in the eye, distrust of authority, etc. Their parents foster parents never came into school and the students explained how they had so many foster brothers and sisters their parents just didn't have time. Some of those kids I had to work very hard to get them to care about anything in the class. Some I reached and others I didn't. While I had other parents come in to see me because of their student's grade and they had a binder for their student's education with all classes, grade print outs and an expressed expectation that even if work was missing their child was going to do it because they needed to respenct their teacher, work and get the best grades possible. I promise you from meeting with this parent she was also far for poor or what the authors would call a "working family." Rather middle or upper-middle class.

Cheri- In Pewaukee, we have 3 types of parents. Ones who don’t care, ones that care too much (helicopter patents), and some that are able to find the balance between the two. I have students who do not have any support at home not only academic but also financial, they are expected to go to school and as long as they stay out of trouble with the law and graduate they are considered good children. Most of the time these families are very poor and/or are very dysfunctional usually due to a drug or alcohol addiction, or a tragic event has caused depression. This is an example of the Accomplishment of Natural Growth parenting style. I also have parents who micromanage their child’s lives, from the sports they participate in, to the friends they are able to have to their assignments and grades. I love it when a parent asks me why their child’s grade in my class is not an A when they get A’s in all their other subjects. This is an example of an over managing style of Concerted Cultivation. I also have parents who are able to find a balance. These parents are able to cultivate their children to the “norms” of society without extreme intervention.

Carrie: In Dousman, we have many migrant workers and many students who are ELL. Many of these families don't show up to our PIN (Parent Information Night) or conferences. They care about their children very much, but they are very busy with working and are not very involved with their child's school life. Keeping their heads above water, survival is what seems to drive them.

Audra: Oh boy, do I ever see a huge difference among my parents as far as help with homework at home. I agree with Cheri about the 3 different types of parents: The ones that don’t care, the ones that care too much, and the parents who have a balance of the two. With my special ed. population of students, I would say the majority of them do not get help or guidance with their homework from parents or guardians. It’s unfortunate, because my students are the ones who need the most support and assistance because they are the students who are the furthest behind in school. These students not only don’t have support with their homework, they don’t have support in the financial and emotional areas as well.

Amy: I see the difference in parents directly correlating to their child's success in school. Unfortunately the kids that are doing poorly often have parents who do not put a high priority on homework or stress the importance of school. I think the parents attitude toward school can hinder a child's chances for success before they even start.

Discussion on pp. 159-160 How do differences come to be perceived as deficits? How might we as the instituation of school affirm positive qualities in children, which might go unrecognized?

Stephanie: It seems as if some of the middle-class students that I teach are more needy in the sense they are not able to independently complete tasks or work. It makes me think that, that is a deficit because I think the parents do many things for them, they almost appear to be afraid to try new things or make mistakes. This learned helplessness is different from some of the working-class students I have taught over the years because those students seem to be very “street-smart” and do most things for themselves or at least try.

Jennifer I am not sure how that happens. We definitely do see any difference from the norm our society sets as a negative. I do believe this is true in all cultures. To me this is one of the saddest downfalls of our society. When people always strive to fit into the norm it just leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. For example most Americans feel it is a deficit to live in a small house or apartment with an extended family; Grandpa, Grandma, Auntie, Uncle, Cousins and so on. The assumption is that if a family lives like that they are poor and can’t afford separate living space. Even if this living arrangement is “normal” for this family’s culture, if they are not fitting into that particular norm for that society it will lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and eventually unhappiness. I think as educators we all try very hard to find the positive in each child, but it sure can be a difficult job at times. Thinking back to our strengths finder results, it’s easy to get hung up on what a student needs to do better at, than on what they already do well. When I ask students what they are really good at often times they don’t know. This could be the result of being young, but I am always surprised when they have no idea.

Mark-I blame European Society. One thing I stress when teaching about Native American culture (which can be dangerous in a school with Indians as a nickname) is that in Lakota culture differences were viewed as a gift. Before Europeans arrived if a person was born with a mental illness, or deformity it was viewed by the community that the "Great Creator" spent extra time in creating that person and so everyone must look up to them and they would get certain benefits in their society. It was European culture that came to the Americas that brought the idea if someone was different they were wrong and they had to either change or be hidden from view. Unfortunately that stigma is still here although not as extreme as it use to be. The students that have a differences that transate to deficits on ACT tests, job competition etc do not necessarily need to be changed. We need to still respect where they come from and their home culture. But what we need to do as an institution is to help them use those differences as strengths. If the working class or poor students do not learn as well how to back their arguments with evidence (as suggested in the text) then we need to spend extra time doing that so they can succeed in those other situations. If they do not make eye contact as suggested, then in our schools we need to stress the importance of non-verbal communication as well as verbal and what situations that will be important for (job interviews). But to bring us back full circle we do not want this to dominate over their home culture to make them think they are inferior or come from an inferior home because things are different.

Cheri- Is it human nature? Many wars have been fought because one group thinks they are superior to another. Most of the time a child’s values are formed at home. We will not be able to change what is or is not being taught at home, but we can emphasize different but equal at school.

Carrie: I have to agree a lot with what Stephanie said. Some of the students that I've had that are middle to upper class are hesitant, lack confidence and are almost paralyzingly afraid to make a mistake. I think it is mainly because their parents may do a lot for them and don't allow them to make mistakes or try things with success too. On the other hand, I have had ELL students or lower income students, who are very confident, sure of themselves and do not hesitate to take a risk. Is it because they don't feel like they have much to lose? Have their parents been forced to allow them to make mistakes because they are busy working or with school work themselves or with other siblings or family members that may take the attention away from other children?

Audra: I agree with Carrie in that some of my students from a middle to upper class family lack confidence and tend to be hesitant in their learning. Maybe mistakes aren’t ok in their families? Many of my special ed., lower class students are willing to make mistakes and try new things out.

Amy: My action research touches on this topic. By showing kids how each student learns differently they can appreciate these differences. My research hopes that by teaching them that each child needs different things to do their best, they might come to understand the purpose of differentiation. Especially in younger grades, anything that is different or unequal is perceived as "unfair". As students learn about each other they will come to understand why some children take different books home or get more time with the teacher. Perhaps then they will not resent these inequalities, but learn a lesson that not everything in life is equal, and not everything has to be equal in order to be fair. This is certainly a life lesson as well.

Read about "Fearing the School" pp. 230-232, starting with the first complete paragraph at the top. How can trust be fostered? Stephanie: I believe trust can be fostered by having constant communication with parents. Not only negative behaviors/concerns but also positive communication should be shared. I try to relate to the parents of my students not only as a teacher but as a parent too. For me that seems to build trust with parents who may have concerns. I often share resources and stories about what I have beenthrough with Josh. I want the parents of my students to know that I understand some of the fears they may have.

Jennifer

I think the best way to foster trust is to maintain as much fairness as possible in your classroom. I know we all have exceptions to rules sometimes, because of specific student’s needs, but consistency and fairness are essential to foster trust. When a teacher constantly changes routine or rules from day to day a loss of trust will happen and also an increase in anxiety. Student’s lives are so confusing today with multiple families and caregivers that it is more important than ever to be someone they can trust.

Mark- My first response to the reading is for the parents to move south. In Arkansas the idea that parents used physical punishment with their kids seemed pretty universal. I never had the extreme cases like described in the reading but I would have students tell me how if they got in trouble when they get home their dad would "give them a whippin". Of course there was never any physical evidence only verbal. However to answer the question about buidling trust is to try and eliminate anything that could be deemed as intimidating. If a parent comes in to meet with you don't sit in your own desk if they are sitting in a student desk. Either stand together or sit together but keep the environment equal. I've also tried to do little talking and use comments that show interest, or I am listening. I think by doing this parents and students will begin to let down any walls they had up when they first walked in. Of course the danger is the parents could overstay their welcome. I have had parents stop in and because I was someone willing to listen I would hear about home life, how dad is gone five days a week or the daughter is only home 2 nights a week and about the strife within the family. But that can be valuable information when working with the family. The important thing to remember is to never pass or show judgement. The first example in the book telling the parent "if you are abusing your child I am required to report you" immidiately puts up a sign of aggression and for the parent to be defensive. It creates an impression that you are looking for a reason to turn them in so they wont trust you. Of course it is important they know this but they may need help in understanding what is abuse and what is not. Ask if you can invite the school psychologist or social worker in the meet with them if it seems to be going that direction. Not because the parent is in trouble but so they understand the law and if their is somethine questionable it can be discussed. Otherwise if they are distrusting of you or authority they will not share as much information with you which may make it longer to get help for the child and the family if help is needed.

Cheri- I really think this is the million-dollar question. Thinking of all the large institutions we deal with how many do we really trust: the government, the school board, Penn State University? I agree with Jen, one of the ways to instill a sense of confidence in schools is to have clear, and consistent rules.

Carrie: I really feel like trust can be fostered by making connections to parents. If the parents know that you have some kind of empathy for them or you are on their side (whether you are 100% or not), I think they are more open to you as a teacher and they feel a lot less defensive than they may otherwise. Also some parents who are lower income, may have had very negative school experiences so to enter a school with their child may make them nervous or bring back a lot of negative memories. On the other hand, middle to upper class parents who more than likely had a more positive school experience, may also foster an attitude of entitlement. They may think that they are invincible like the reading said. I was a nanny for a family where both parents were radiologists and worked God awful hours. They employed 5 nannies so their children were cared for and raised by someone other than them from the time their children were born. Some may look at this as neglectful and wonder why people like this would decide to have children? They never questioned their parenting choices nor their decision to become parents. Their egos were enormous. There was no fear whatsoever of being turned in or judged. It would have been blamed on someone else immediately. Audra: I think trust can be fostered by building relationships with parents and students. I agree with Jen, that fairness and consistency are key as well. Unfortunately, relationships aren’t always feasible with some families. Some families are like ghosts, you barely see them around the school and they will once in a while they show up for parent/teacher conferences. It’s sad, but the truth. In this case, I try as hard as possible to make those connections and relationships with the students so that they know how to build and keep relationships in life. These relationships are important for every student to learn about.

Amy: Trust has to be earned so it is important to get off on the right foot with parents. I try to start good communication early with weekly newsletters and phone calls or emails when things come up. I find that if I intiate a conversation early in the year, the parents are much more likely to email me with questions or concerns as the year goes on. Then things can be nipped in the bud instead of letting things build up and wait until conference time to address concerns that should have been addressed way sooner. Trust with students seems to build quicker since we are with them so much. Clear consistent expectations, as mentioned earlier, are the key. I also think that class meetings help foster communication and then trust. Students need to know that you are willing to talk to them when there is a problem and need their input to solve things. Then they will express their concerns as well. Soon you will have trust on both sides that it is safe to express your feelings in the classroom.